Remember?

As I was reading the paper this morning, I came across an article about a new drug being studied that looks to be a real breakthrough for those suffering with Alzheimer's.  That would be a miracle, although too late unfortunately to save my mom.  It is exciting for those who now may have more treatment options!

Alzheimer's is a brain disease that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks.

 Up to 5 percent of people with the disease have early-onset Alzheimer's (also known as younger-onset), which often appears when someone is in their 40s or 50s. ( Uh-oh..that's too close to my age for comfort!!)  Those who have a family member with Alzheimer’s are more likely to develop the disease.  Another form of dementia is vascular dementia.  (Which is what my mom had). It is widely considered the second most common type of dementia. It develops when impaired blood flow to parts of the brain deprives cells of food and oxygen.  It, too, is considered to be a familiar disease (striking members of the same family). 
Obviously, as I have researched over the past 10 years since my mom was diagnosed, it is on the forefront of my mind.....so therefore everytime I lose my car keys, forget what I was about to say, or walk into a room and realize I forgot why I was headed there in the first place....I begin to think...."it's starting!"   I'm sure that
with the everyday chaoticness of life at my age, these things are quite normal.  It is also found that these momentary periods of fog and brain lapses can be attributed to "the change"..(haha don't you just love that phrase?)  So in my quest to learn all about preserving my brain and memory function, I've tried to eat healthy, keep my cholesterol in range and my blood pressure normal.  I've done crossword puzzles, read books, crochet, etc. doing all things to keep my mind stimulated as possible.  I've prided myself though that I am able to, and have always been able to, store phone numbers in the deepest parts of my brain to be recalled in a moment's notice! (Heck, I can still remember my childhood friends' phone numbers!) And usually once I dial a new cell or landline, it is imprinted there forever.  My dilemma is this - When I go to the grocery store or mall, and  swipe my debit card to pay, then get ready to put in my PIN number, I go completely blank!!!!
I cannot tell you how many times that has happened!  Thank goodness for the "credit" option. 
As I ponder this phenomena, I realize it must be because in this digital and technological age that we live in, my poor old brain just has no more space for PIN numbers and USERNAMES and PASSWORDS!!!  When I enter my home, I have to de-arm the security.  When I sit at my computer and order from a myriad of shopping sites, or sign on to the cyber school's site....in goes another USERNAME and PASSWORD.    Next, check my email....another USERNAME and PASSWORD.   Now to check my facebook?  Sign in first...... forget facebook, I'm going to blog....sign in again.  Oh, my have a voicemail....."Please enter your password then press #"......Well, now maybe I'll see if Bekah is on Skype......sign in again.... After shopping I'd better balance my checkbook. Now, that brings me to our wonderful local bank's online site.  For safety reasons, we are required to change our password every 14 days!!!! Just when I remember what it was, I've got to go back and change it!   OK,  enough of the computer, I'll go relax and pick up my Kindle to read a bit......unlock it with another password.  UGHH!  Usually in the course of a normal day (including a work day with even more usernames and passwords to access),  I have numbers and letters floating all around my tired head.  When vainly trying to recall the password  I usually ask myself, "Is it all letters and one numerical character?  Is it all lowercase and one uppercase??"    You may be thinking, why not just use one username and password?  Simplify it.  Sounds good, but we are told over and over again, never ever, ever never use the same password too frequently.  Wouldn't want my accounts to get hacked!
In my frustration to store all these keys in my memory, I admit I've found a way to keep track of them all.  Just now I've counted and discovered there upwards of 50 usernames and passwords that I have accumulated.  It's no wonder I go blank at the MAC machine! 
Wondering what my storage system is?   Sorry I cannot disclose how I manage these secret passwords, although I will admit that I have this great fear that someday because of my genetic disposition to inherit a brain disease, I will forget my foolproof system!
If and when that happens, I know three things for a fact:
1.  Nothing happens to me that the good Lord does not lovingly ordain.
2.  My children will still love me and take good care of me.
3.  AND my dear husband has promised to keep my chin shaved
    (if and when it would need it of course)!

Always and forever and No Matter What,
Karen

Letting Go

On the first anniversary of my dear mom's homegoing, I have been remembering what it was like to finally "let go".  As many of you are aware, my mom was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at the early age of 67.  Because of her heart not being able to pump efficiently she suffered for the next 9 years with vascular dementia. (This followed the sad and debillitating course of Alzheimer's Disease).  Amazingly enough our entire family pulled together to keep her home with us as long as possible!  At the very end of her life,  she only spent a little over two months in an assisted living center.
While taking care of her I often thought about what it would be like when the time came to say good bye.  I usually pushed this thought out of my mind as quickly as it would appear.  I frankly didn't want to dwell on it. How do I go on without my mom?  She's been there for me forever?   Even when she no longer was able to "mother" me, I in short became her mother.  It was very much like taking care of one's own child.  But even still, she was my mom, and I felt so privileged to be able to return the care that she so lovingly gave to me, my husband,  my children, and her great grandchildren.
The week she began the actual dying process, was probably one of the most emotional times of my entire life.  I knew that very soon, she would no longer be with us.  How was I to say good bye?  How would I handle it?  Would I break down, would I stay strong for my kids, my dad?  Could I let go?
Being the medical power of attorney, that week, I had to (with the input of family members) make the ultimate decision as to whether or not we kept medically intervening, or provided comfort care only.  Even though my mind knew what the answer would be, my heart was fighting against it. 
Towards the end of that week, one day after leaving her side, I came home and began to restlessly pace.  I could not relax, and I had this compelling urge to walk (and run!)  I remember flying out the front door and just taking off.  I didn't know where I was going, but my feet led the way.  As I walked and prayed and cried, I realized God was leading me to my home place.  I walked to the neighborhood that I grew up in, went to my old backyard, sat down, and a flood of memories poured over me.  At the very same time, God clearly gave me a sense of peace.  Some of the memories that rushed back to meet me was my Mom and I sitting at the piano singing her favorite old hymns; sitting on the sofa while she told me about the tent/revival meetings that she had loved going to as a young girl; praying together when she was distraught or missing her brother.  But most of all, I felt God's presence and clearly heard Him speak to me, "It's time child.  It's time to let go and give her back to Me."   When I finally arrived back home later that day I knew in my heart the truth of Hebrews 13:5.
Lo and behold the very next day, my mom's dear nurse, and our dear friend and sister in the Lord, told us that it would only be a matter of hours.   The family members that were able to get here, came to be with her.  Around her bedside there was hymn singing, there was hand holding, there were hugs, tears and enough love shown that it made for a joyous, but sad departure.  Her soul left her physical body surrounded by her beloved grandchildren.  That is testimony in itself of her love for her family and their love for her.  God enabled the "letting go" to be bearable.  "From earth's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny."

In my devotion this morning I came across this from John MacDuff.  It is so fitting on this day of remembrance.  I pray it may be an encouragement to you who are facing trials, difficulties, or yet grieving a loved one.
The Greatest Gift
"Since God did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us all things?" Romans 8:32
These are amazing words! God; the Infinite, God; identifying Himself with the experiences of human sorrow; silencing every murmur with the unanswerable argument "I spared not my own Son. I gave my greatest gift for you; will you not cheerfully surrender your best to Me? Can you refuse after this unspeakable gift of My love, to trust Me in lesser things?
 He promised to give "all things"; these "all things" are in His hand. They will be selected and allotted by His loving wisdom; crosses as well as comforts; sorrows and tears, as well as smiles and joys. Mourning one, this very trial which now dims your eye, is one of these "all things." Trust His faithfulness. He would as soon wound the Son of His love as wound you!
"Won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us all things?" There is a "blessed impossibility," after the bestowment of the Gift of Gifts, that He will inflict one unnecessary trial, or withhold one needed benefit. Think of His love when He offered His Isaac on the altar. It is the same at this hour infinite and immutable. Yes! We may well be reconciled, even to the denial of earthly blessedness, because ordered by Him who gave Jesus! Lying meekly in the arms of His mercy, be it ours to say in filial confidence, "Lord, anything with Your love; anything but Your frown!"
 "All things." The whole range of human needs and necessities is known to Him. The care He invites me to cast upon Him is "all my care"; the need "all my need!" This is His own special promise. "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work." (2 Corinthians 9:8) He will give me nothing and deny me nothing, but what is for my good. Let me not question the appointments of infinite wisdom. Let me not wound Him by one dishonoring doubt. Let me lean upon Him in little things as well as in great things. After the pledge of His love in Jesus, nothing can come wrong that comes from His hands!  Looking to the Rainbow in the cloud gleaming with the words, "He loved me, and gave Himself for me!" be it mine to say:
Lord, though You bend my spirit low,
Love only will I see;
The very hand that strikes the blow,
Was wounded once for me.

Forever and always and no matter what,
Karen

Stocked Up

I have always wondered why at the very first sign of impending storm, whether it be thunder/lightning storm in the summer or snowstorm in the winter,  the grocery stores are packed with shoppers stocking up on milk, bread, candles, etc.  Interesting enough, how did I know the grocery stores were packed with panicked shoppers?  Obviously because I was one of them.  Although I would have never admitted it. 
Last week, when the temperature dropped to 2 degrees for a few nights, to my dismay I realized we had no kerosene for an emergency!  When I brought this up to my husband, he brushed it off non chalantly and said that it was ok, we wouldn't need it.  Me?  Couldn't rest until that kerosene can was filled.  So the following afternoon I loaded the can up into the car, went to the Marathon station and filled the thing up with 5 gal. of kerosene.  Whew, didn't realize how heavy that container would be once it was full!  Managed to get it home to the garage with only one minor spill, or drip, or leak, whatever the case was (from not tightening the cap correctly).  But the main thing was that I could finally relax and rest assured that if the electric, for some reason shut off, or if the furnace quit running, we would have heat!  Albeit just in one room, but heat none of the less.   This really got me to thinking.....why the obsessive need to have that kerosene, really?
Here is my take:  God made me a wife and mother whom at all costs, have this all consuming need to protect my loved ones.  I need to make sure there is food in the house so that they don't grow hungry, I need to make sure that there is warm clothes available when they go out in this sub freezing weather.  My kids can all atest to the fact that no matter whether they were traveling to and from college through the winter, taking a trip, or going to work....I made sure they had an emergency kit in the trunk, and a blanket in the backseat.  (Trust me, I heard my share of  "Oh Mom!").   Even last week, my son in law was taking his family out sledding, and stopped in to use the phone.  I couldn't let him leave again, before giving him a scarf and making him promise to wear it around his neck. 
Am I the only woman who battles with this?  Is this really a battle?  You should have seen our pantry the year 1999, before Jan. 2000!  Y2K, oh my.   And to be brutally honest, I will admit that I've visited the U.S. government Homeland Security web site to know what to have on hand in case of a national disaster.  (My basement is not quite a bomb shelter, yet.  lol)
 And lastly, when we take family vacations, everyone knows that one of my travel bags could be a mini pharmacy.  You never know when one may need anything from antacids, to decongestants, or antihistmines or what not, be sure to know I've got it covered!  
Is this a sign of not trusting God enough?  Is this a sign of not letting go?  Or is this behavior just part of the way I am wired and the way God designed me?    Most likely it is all of the above.  Hopefully I can find a true balance.  When it crosses the line to "worry" then I am sinning.  Its one thing to be prepared, its another to fret over it.  I am reminded of Matthew 6: 26:  "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"
 Hey it's coming down really heavy out there right now and I've only told of few of the kids today to be careful, tried warning hubby to cancel his 2:00 mtg, (to no avail).  However, the fridge is full, the house is warm, and the kerosene container in the garage is full, just in case.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, ... The Lord Almighty is with us:  Ps 46: 1,2,7
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." 
Matt. 6: 33,34
"When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet." 
 Prov. 31: 21
Now and Forever and No Matter What,
Karen

Now and Forever and No Matter What

I saw this phrase a few years ago on a plaque and really liked it.  In contemplation of what it meant, it could be applied to many different and varied stages in one's life.
 First off, it brings back precious memories of our wedding day.  The moment we said our vows and pledged our lives one to another, it was true.  I love you...now and forever...and no matter what the Lord has in store, and life brings our way.  There was never any "I'll love you, but only if" .....  Oh the comfort and security in knowing that your spouse will be there for you and that no matter what, you've pledged to work things out.  Not once in our 33 yrs of marriage, were either of us concerned about divorce.  It's never been an option.   Knowing this, it is easier to work through the rough spots.  Now and Forever and No Matter What give us the assurance that even on our worst days, we give each other the benefit of the doubt.   The most amazing thing about looking back is I used to think it can't get any better than this!  But I was wrong, as the years pass, our marriage is sweeter, our love is stronger, and the bond is greater.  We've truly become one.
Now and Forever and No Matter What came also into play when giving birth and meeting each of our children for the very first time.  Whether he/she was 3 months, 3 yrs, 13, or 33....it was and still is a love like no other.   On the very best of days, and the very worst of days the love for your children is so strong that you know that you would give your life for them in a heartbeat!  Oh, and I will tell you young parents, whether its the first day of Kindergarten (for those non homeschoolers) or the first day of college, it hurts still the same.  It's a mixed bag of emotions.  So proud!  But so sad that time has flown by so fast!  (We'll stop here, and save The Day Your Child Marries and The Day You Become a Grandparent for another blog!)

Now and Forever and No Matter What was also experienced in the nine years that my dear Mom had Altzheimer's.  Especially her last three years on earth, this phrase was lived out in our lives daily.  I saw it in my faithful husband who so willingly gave me the space to take care of her, all the while supporting me when I didn't think I could go on.  It was displayed in the lives of my children and grandchildren who loved and cared for my Mom unconditionally, even when she no longer recognized them, and even when she was hard to love.....they loved her no matter what.
And lastly, the name of my blog is so fitting for the love that is bestowed upon me by my Heavenly Father.  He is the perfect example of loving Now and Forever and No Matter What.   He paid the price of my sin on the cross and bore the pain, to spare me His child.  What greater love is this?  One of my favorite verses is:
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow."  Heb. 13:8  
Things of this world are ever changing.  Time keeps moving on, but what is most important in life is having Jesus Christ as your Rock solid foundation. 
Now and Forever and No Matter What.
Karen

My family!

A New Year a New Me

So its 2011 and I am not one to make all these resolutions that will just frustrate me when I fail.  I will however admit that this new year I am determined to do things that I've been wanting to do, but never had the time, energy, or nerve to try!  So as you can see, blogging is one of them!  Not sure how this will turn out, or if it will even interest anyone, but I am going to give it a try.  My dear friend, Pat and I have committed to sharing one "positive" or  as I call it, "Pollyannaism" a day.  This blog, will be my attempt to share and hopefully encourage others as well who have entered a new stage in life.  Seems like we are always in one stage or another, and sometimes different stages at the same time!  So "Now and Forever and
No Matter What......
"The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."  I John 2:17